Faramir's Question
by Goldie Gamgee
Summary: A certain elf is visiting the Shire, and young Faramir Took has a rather awkward question for him… Oneshot.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Ok, hopefully I will get more reviews for this than my other three stories… It really annoys me when people don't review. A fanfiction writer does not get anything out of posting their work up except ****_your_**** feedback. How about giving it to them?**

About this:

Name: Faramir's Question

Fandom: Lord of the Rings

Genres: Humour, Friendship

Key Characters: Faramir (hobbit), Legolas, Pippin, Diamond

Author: Kayla Campbell

Why I wrote this: Because I love writing about hobbits (primarily Pippin and his family) and because I love placing our gorgeous beautiful Leggy-boo princeling in awkward situations.

Person: First Person, Legolas's point of view

Date Started: 20th December 2013

Date Ended: 22nd December 2013

Status: Complete

Blurb: A certain elf is visiting the Shire, and young Faramir Took has a rather awkward question for him… Oneshot.

** Faramir's Question **

_[S.R. 1438, 17__th__ Astron]_

Faramir was a why child.

How I know this? Well, I did occasionally visit the Shire, despite it being so far away from my home in Ithilien. The first time I visited Faramir Took was 1438 (Shire Reckoning). He was eight years old and spoke ceaselessly, constantly. He would open his mouth and the words would just pour out, leaving no room for anyone else to enter the conversation apart from in monosyllables and answers to his many questions.

Faramir always wanted to know how things worked, why things worked, and what was it that made them work. Some questions took a great deal of explanation, some were unanswerable. However, I myself was forced to answer them.

'This is Legolas, Fari. He's an elf,' Diamond told the small eight-year-old clone of Pippin. Faramir looked up at me with big green eyes, seemingly unimpressed.

'Are you the elf from pa's stories?' He asked, lisping a little bit.

'Yes,' I replied.

Faramir frowned. 'What's so special about _elves_?'

'Faramir!' Diamond cried, 'Don't be so rude!'

But I just smiled. 'It's alright, Diamond.'

Pippin put a hand on his son's shoulder. 'Well Fari, elves are immortal. They never die. That means they've lived for a very long time, and are very wise.'

Faramir's eyes lit up at that. 'Does that mean they know lots?'

'Yes,' Diamond told him.

...

That week, I was bombarded with questions.

_"Legolas, why are you so tall?"_

_"Legolas, if you're a prince, why don't you have a crown?"_

_"Legolas, if you're a boy, why do you have long hair?"_

_"Legolas, why do elves live forever?"_

I could never refuse to answer a question, because otherwise, Faramir would come out with:

_"Legolas, if you're a wise elf, why don't you know the answer?"_

_..._

'Pippin,' Diamond announced, 'I'm going out tonight with the sisters for dinner. You don't mind looking after Faramir, do you?'

Pippin frowned. 'I was going to go out tonight, with Merry, to the Green Dragon.'

We were sitting around in the living room, and Diamond had just walked in. Faramir was playing with a wooden farm set at my feet.

Diamond huffed. 'Well, you'll just have to go another time.'

'Why can't _you_ go out another time?' Pippin shrugged.

'Oh, _I'll_ just stay at home then, while you go out, drink yourself silly, and come home with a couple of lasses on your arm!' Diamond cried, throwing her hands up in the air.

'Di!' Pippin gasped, 'Where did that come from? I've always been loyal to you!'

'You could do anything under the influence of ale,' Diamond sniffed.

'I wouldn't!'

'Oh, _sure_, Pippin. Remember that one time when we were just courting, and you went out drinking and-'

'That was _one_ time, Di. And we're _married_ now.'

I watched the fight beginning to unfurl, and a seed was planted in my mind.

'I could look after him,' I butted in.

'Oh, no, that's fine, Legolas,' Diamond smiled, 'We'll sort something out.'

'No, I insist.' I insisted.

'Well…' Diamond looked at Pippin, and then to me, and then back to Pippin again. Pippin nodded. 'I guess that will be alright.'

'Yay!' Faramir squealed, 'Leggy's looking after me!'

'Just make sure he gets to bed by seven,' Diamond glanced at the clock, 'I should be back by eight.'

'As will I,' Pippin said firmly.

Faramir clambered up onto my lap. 'Leggy's looking after me!' He called in a singsong voice.

I knew it was going to be a long night.

...

'Legolas, why is the sky blue? I don't like blue, I like green.'

'I don't know, Fari.'

'Well, you should know. You're a wise elf,' Faramir clutched the wooden farmer in his chubby hand, making him milk the cows and shear the sheep. 'Look, Legolas! It's the farmer!'

'What's his name?' I asked, joining in on the little game.

'His name is…' Faramir wavered, his brow furrowed as he thought.

'How about…' I began to say, but was cut off by Faramir.

'I know! He'll be called Pippin, like pa.' He squeaked in delight, 'And the farmer's wife will be Diamond, like ma!'

I watched him play around for a little bit. It was rather charming how he moved them around the farm and whispered to himself, frowning in concentration.

'What about the children?' I asked, pointing to the three wooden dolls. One was a boy, one was a girl, and one was a teeny-tiny baby in a little cot.

'The boy will be called Faramir, like me!' He grinned.

'What about the girl and baby?'

'I don't have a sister, or a baby,' Faramir pouted. 'So they can't join in.'

'Well, you can pretend. See, you're pretending your pa's a farmer. You can pretend you have a little sister. Think of a name for her.' I said.

Faramir put the farmer and a wooden cow he had been holding down on the ground. Then he faced me.

'Legolas,' He frowned, and I could tell he was about to ask a question. I braced myself.

'Legolas, how are babies made?'

Silence. Faramir looked at me expectantly. I just gulped.

What was I supposed to say? I couldn't possibly explain anything without going too graphic.

'Well…' I tried, 'When a woman and a man love each other, they… decide to have a child.'

'But how?' Faramir scrunched up his nose, 'I asked ma and pa, but they wouldn't tell me. I don't think they know, even though they must do, because they have me. Maybe they've forgotten. Anyway, you must know, because you're an elf, and you're _wise_.'

For a moment or two, I wished I wasn't an elf. I wished I wasn't wise.

'Well…'

Faramir stared up at me with those big beautiful green eyes of his. Thoughts flitted through my mind. What to say? What answer would satisfy him? He was beginning to wonder why I was taking so long to reply, I could tell. What to say…

'… you see, Fari, it's a surprise.'

Faramir looked confused. 'What do you mean?'

Internally, I sighed with relief. Hopefully this would get me out of it.

'See, when you grow up and fall in love and want a baby, you'll find out.'

Faramir pouted. 'But I want to know now!'

'But that would spoil the surprise, wouldn't it?' One of the things Faramir loved the most in the world was surprises. I was on the home strait.

Faramir thought about it. 'I guess so.'

He clambered up to sit on my knee, leaning against my chest and twiddling my hair between his fingers. 'You're very wise, Legolas.'

I just smiled.

**A/N: Aha… I love putting Leggy-boo in awkward situations… XD**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Just decided to do a little after word. :) **

[S.R. 1448, 5th Wedmath]

'And then…' Pippin said dramatically.

'And then, and then…" Merry repeated.

'Faramir turned to him,' Pippin paused for effect, 'Looked him square in the eye, and asked… "Legolas, how are babies made?"'

Gimli roared with laughter. 18-year-old Faramir rolled his eyes. I buried my face in my hands. It was _almost_ funny- when I didn't think about it too hard.

Gimli had tears of mirth running down his cheeks. 'And… and… _he he_, what did you tell him, laddie?'

'That it was a surprise,' I explained, lifting my head, 'And he had to wait till he wanted to have children.'

Pippin and Merry both burst out laughing again. Gimli managed to say between chuckles, 'Good call, lad, good call.'

Faramir looked at me and rolled his eyes again, smiling. He knew now, and thank goodness the task had been given to someone else.

Meanwhile, though, I knew Gimli was never going to let me hear the end of it.

**A/N: If you liked this, you may also like:**

_A Stern Talking_

**_ Peregrin Took is now the proud father of Faramir Took. However, Pippin remembers how he was as a child, and he doesn't want Faramir to turn out the same. One-shot._**


End file.
